let go.

nine months since my last update and life has changed. this past year has been one of tremendous self-exploration for me. if you have known me for a long time, you know that i am not the type of person to really let things get to me. however, this past year, there have been countless times that would just lay down in the grass and stare at the sky for hours, thinking about my life and how fleeting it is. although i have many strengths, i also have many faults - one of which is that i dissect everything in my life until it drives me crazy. i spend so much time feeling remorse, guilt and regret over moments that i've let pass me by, people i have hurt, and how to move forward. over the past year and a half, i do not even care to think about how much time i've spent letting life pass me by because i was so concerned with things that were out of my control. i let beautiful moments fall by the wayside because i was too busy thinking about the next moment. in this moment, i search for words to speak to the people i've hurt during this time in my life, but i realize that i can no longer meditate on this. all of us are searching for happiness - to find contentment in life through careers, friends and someone special. after several attempts at finding contentment, i've realized that i'm not going to find it when i'm looking for it. the simple fact is that i must let go and release these reigns that i've been holding for so long. as much as i may try, i realize that i cannot control my life. i must begin to expect the unexpected. i must learn that dreams sometimes fade, ambitions change, and people will come into my life and exit. i must realize that's okay. all i have is right now, and life must continue to move forward. dreams of the past may enter my mind, but i will no longer dwell insessantly on them. it's time to look forward - to dream new dreams, to search and meditate on the beautiful things in life, to find the best in the people around me and to know that one day, everything will fall into place for me. life will never be perfect, but it will be satisfying. i will set my mind on that day, for it is coming. but for now, i will savor this moment.