weakness.

the other night, i was walking in georgetown with a few friends when we passed a homeless man, lying on the brick sidewalk with his eyes rolled back in his head. my first thought was "he's having a seizure, someone needs to call the ambulance". there were hundreds of people walking by this man, looking at him, continuing on their way. it was startling to me that even in this moment of concern, my thought was "SOMEONE needs to call the ambulance", not "i should call the ambulance".

the bystander effect - the psychological phenomenon in which someone is less likely to intervene in an emergency situation when other people are present and able to help than when he or she is alone. it's the diffusion of responsibility that causes people to keep walking by, thinking "someone else will help". in addition to this, bystanders monitor the reactions of other people in an emergency situation to see if others think that it is necessary to intervene. for example, on this night, hundreds of people walked by, looking at him...looking at others...looking for the correct way to respond to the situation. because no one was taking action, others were not motivated to take action either. it was assumed that the situation did not warrant help. this fascinates me. the concept of pluralistic ignorance. we've seen it so many times in our world's history. the rise of the nazis. the brutal murder of kitty genovese in queens as dozens watched. the 20-year-old girl in kansas stabbed to death in a convenience store as people walked over her to get to the check-out line. one woman even took a picture with her cell phone. when grouped together, people tend to conform to that group. they act the way a group acts. and in these situations, they react the way the group acts - inaction. we should take more action to be sure that we do not fall captive to one of humanity's greatest weaknesses.

pollen count's up.

The other morning, I woke up, got ready for my day, and hopped on the elevator to begin my morning commute. As the door was closing, a woman jumped in at the very last minute. I was standing patiently waiting for the elevator to reach the basement. I did not say anything, besides a cordial "hello". You can choose to have painfully awkward silence...OR you could opt for the painfully awkward conversation. On this particular morning, I did not have a choice.

This woman was jabbering on about any topic she could think of. As a general principle, elevator conversation SHOULD be confined to relatively uncontroversial topics which can be discussed to a satisfying depth in the minutes it takes to travel between floors. Such topics include but are not limited to the weather, matters related to the building in which the elevator is located, major sporting events, and the local sports team’s run up to the playoffs. On this particular morning, weather was the topic of conversation. It's always fascinated me how people talk about weather when they feel awkward, or when they feel as if they have nothing else of value to say.

In fact, in an article written by Trevor A. Harley in 2003, the British are notorious for striking up conversation about weather with strangers. Weather is a safe topic for conversation, especially in an elevator, because it does not delve into sensitive or deep personal matters. There are several reasons why weather is such a popular topic of conversation. - its unpredictability, variability, enviromental prominence and importance and impersonal nature. You can talk about what the weather is going to be like in the near future, extreme weather events, and you can also reminisce about past weather. Lucky for me, I got to enjoy all three tidbits of information while riding five floors down to the basement. The conversation started off with "So, it's supposed to be a lot cooler outside today". That led to a period of reminisicing about how hot and miserable it's been in the city over the past few weeks. Then...silence. Until I heard her awkward farewell as she stepped off the elevator onto the first floor. "Okay, I'm off, have a great day - oh and by the way the pollen count is up! My allergies are killing..." (elevator door shut)

I love watching the silly things people do when they feel awkward...talking about weather, pretending they are on their cell phones, fidgeting, stumbling over their words, eye contact avoidance...I love it.

the search.

once again, i'm finding that unloading my mind before starting work is the best policy. except...i'm pretty sure that blogging at work would be against policy - but that's not the point. it's 9:30 in the morning and my mind is going 1,000 miles per hour. i am just coming off of an amazing weekend with a few amazing people. it evoked the thought of something different and something new...about moving forward and taking chances. and, as usual, change is something that scares me; it's something that put me in a place of discomfort and uncertainty. however, surprisingly, i am finding that this change is one that i am not unsure of. i'm sorting through some things on my own, but i am happy. and after all, isn't happiness what we're all searching for?

real, actual work.

"Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work." Office Space

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I'm having a slow morning at work. I've only been here for about an hour but I feel highly unmotivated to do any work. I have a huge stack of patient files sitting next to me at my desk, but I am thinking about way too many other things to be wholly devoted to them. I'm feeling like I'm just ready for tomorrow to be here - tomorrow starts the weekend that I've been awaiting for five weeks.

On a completely different note, I have realized over the past few days how I do not still hold the strictly conservative values that I used to. This hit me at about 10pm the other night, when I kicked a boy out of my room for being obnoxiously conservative. The 17-year-old version of me would not have done that. The 17-year-old version of me would not have been caught dead in an Obama t-shirt. I guess we all change, don't we?

Back to work. Or rather, starting work. So exciting.

nude cyclist day.

i live in a strange place. on saturday, i was out walking around the national mall on a day that was far too hot for me to handle. as i was standing, waiting to cross at 17th and constitution, i saw perhaps the most disturbing thing i've ever seen. nude cyclists. not one, not two but perhaps 100 nude cyclists. and they all seemed to be old sweaty men, riding around on a hot day...naked...headed to the white house to protest and call george bush a terrorist.

immediately after this fiasco, i witnessed the trashiest catfight i've ever seen. 17th street is trouble. one woman was wearing a leopard skin skirt. the other woman looks like her mother. neither one of them could throw a punch if their lives depended on it. but then again, i probably couldn't either. especially against my mother. she'd have me beat.

these two strange events made me realize how much my eyes are being opened while living here...and it's only been two weeks since i've been living in the city. as much as i loved growing up in weddington, nc - there was absolutely no diversity. my high school was predominantly white, most of whom were southern baptist or methodist. in fact, most of us went to the same church. i am saddened to say that i can't really remember having any close friends of another race or religion. and for this reason, i was not gaining any kind of insight or appreciation for how other people live their lives. people who aren't exactly like me. even the people i live and work with here in dc are so different and i love it. we are all from separate parts of the country, different races, different languages. some of them are jewish, some of them like shrooms, some of them like obama and some of them like mccain. some of them swear like sailors and others are innocent and sweet as can be. i have never been in the midst of such diversity...even at clemson...and it makes me realize how much i've missed out. i'm also very excited to see how my viewpoints and who i am as a person will change this summer as a result of this whole experience. it's going to be hard to leave at the end of the summer. i am loving all that i am learning here.

new friends.

it's been a while since my last entry. i am all settled into my apartment in dc and i've been meeting so many different people - new york, montana, nevada, colorado, california, illinois, indiana, wyoming, puerto rico...the list goes on and on. our group started out with just two people and has now grown to well over twenty people, all living on my floor. a couple of weeks ago, i wasn't so sure i'd be able to find my nitch down here - i felt like i would likely be alone in the city all summer, but now i am dreading the end of the summer when i will leave all these people. sure, there will be things to look forward to at the end of the summer. like getting back to clemson, moving in with new roommates, seeing faces that i've been missing for the whole summer. but so much of me is loving being here - it's so new and different from everything i've ever known. they joke with me about being southern...in fact, when i entered a room last night, they said "hey y'all, want some sweet tea?" (they think they're funny). i can't say the city life is something that i'm used to. the traffic, the noise, the humidity (well, yeah. we have that too), the metro system, and pedestrian crosswalks. my roommate, sara, got here on saturday and she is absolutely amazing. we're a lot alike. in fact, the first day she got here, we were already joking and and being sarcastic. i think i really lucked out. :)

i'm so looking forward to the weekend - sleeping in, frolicking with my friends here and KELLY FREAKING RUSSELL. yay. and next weekend. doug and jeff and coming up to visit and that has been a long awaited visit. i cannot wait. literally. i can't.

it's about that time for me to head off to work, but i will update soon. i miss you.