people watching.

so, being the aspiring psychologist that i am, i started my day off with a conscious decision to watch people. i made this decision as i began my morning commute. as i've said before, the drivers i've encountered since i've been here have been out of control. i watched quite a few road rage-filled drivers make their feelings known. i saw women putting on their mascara, a man reading an issue of the latino newspaper, and one young woman was actually singing and dancing on her way to work this morning. okay...that was me. but that's not my point. i'd say it's a safe assumption to say that in general, people want to please other people. no one wants to make terrible impressions. thus, i believe that many times, people harness their angry feelings in order to not let their anger out in front of a crowd of strangers. other people react differently. due to my inability to read in motion, i am left with nothing to do on the metro. except watch people. and it's funny what people will do when they think you're not watching. i witnessed a grown woman throw a temper tantrum on the phone (i'm assuming with her husband) like a 6-year old this morning. she was even whining, "it's not fair, it's not fair" then suddenly, click. phone conversation over. after she hung up, she began a series of what i like to call "angry mumbles". it's something that i'm pretty sure that dane cook would make fun of. she is making angry facial expressions while pacing around in the metro car, mumbling to herself about how "it's not fair" and how stupid "he" is being. bet she didn't even know i was watching. if she had, i think she would have reacted differently. she would have tried to cover up her anger and "be the bigger person". after all, in our innate human nature, social desirability is what we all strive to achieve, right? but sometimes i just wonder why we care about what strangers think of us. these are people that we will, in all likelihood, never run into again. and what is it about social desirability that makes us care so much? are we scared that people will gain an insight into who we really are? are we scared that they won't accept the person they see? it's a question that i'm pretty sure will never be answered. it is what it is.

just watch the fireworks.

i haven't written in a few days for several reasons. the first being that i'm too tired to think about blogging. the second reason is that i haven't really had much to say. instead of saying a lot, i've been observing. and here's what i've seen:

1) i had never agreed with the stereotype about maryland drivers. i can now say, with absolute certainty, that those stereotypes are true. in the past seven days since i've been here, there have been three occasions that i've nearly died.

2) i do not like the metro anymore. i used to have an odd sort of fascination with it. but no, not anymore. people are rude and terrible...and grabby when it's crowded.

3) random approach from strangers. on thursday morning, i was sitting on a nearly empty train and a little boy named jaden asked if he could sit with me. he could sit anywhere on the train but he sat next to me. and he didn't even say a word. in addition to this, the man sitting next to me on the train home was reading a kama sutra book. i wasn't sure how to feel about that.

4) my lack of knowledge of the boston red sox is astounding.

it's been a strange and bizarre week. i miss clemson. i miss pasta and untitled playlists. i miss riding bicycles on the library bridge. i miss playing horse and funfetti cookies. but despite all of this, i rather like it here. my first week of work went well, and i'm starting to settle in to the routine. this summer holds a lot of opportunities for me. but i do miss familiarity...

unfamiliar places.

it's a rainy monday here in the land of mary. as i sat in rush hour traffic this morning going into dc, i realized that for the first time, i am completely out of my comfort zone...in a place that is almost completely foreign to me, by myself. at that moment, i realized that there were only 2 things that were familiar to me. an amazing mix that was made for me by someone really awesome...and my brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts.

i'm pretty sure i did a statewide tour of maryland today, by myself. and unguided. from middletown, to rockville, to annapolis. i got an awkward office tour, sat through a staff meeting that sounded like jibberish, had a needle inserted in my forearm...and got sneezed on by a 7-year old child named garrett. although it was a rainy day, my umbrella was broken, i had no clue were i was going, and i'm missing familiarity already - i'm glad that i'm taking a step out into the unknown. it's a scary thing...something we're all faced with eventually.

on a completely different note, i am finding that things are finally falling into place. after all the times that i felt unsure that they would, it's finally happening. clemson is home. i have an internship doing something i'm passionate about. i have some amazing people in my life that fill my heart with joy. wow. just wow. and in these unfamiliar places, those things stand out even more in my mind than they ever have before.

the ramblings of my tired head.

in just one short week, i will be embarking on my new adventure. as excited as i am to have the opportunity to work in dc this summer, i am really not wanting to leave clemson yet. yesterday morning, i woke up to find kristin's room completely empty and it made my heart frown. ah. i am really not ready for this year to be over.

it's five o'clock in the morning. these are the ramblings of my tired head. i am sunburned, sore throat, exhausted, anxious, and so freakin' excited about life all at once.

there are so many new and amazing things happening right now that it's crazy. some of these things, i will be leaving behind for the summer. and some of these things, i will collide head-on with each day. either way, all i can do is embrace these sweet changes and be thankful.

i realize that this makes little sense to those who are reading this...and that's okay. wherever you may be right now - whatever opportunities stand in front of you...embrace those things. they are fleeting. never again will there be a moment just like now. whether you are in clemson, greenville, maryland, north dakota or maine...enjoy what's right in front of you. enjoy right now.

i'm on the verge.

it's that same feeling i've always felt. the last few days of school. on the verge of something more, not knowing what is next.

fifth grade: i remember anxiously awaiting the end-of-the-year dance. i was so ready to be done with elementary school and on to bigger and better things...middle school...yeah, right.

eighth grade: kelly and i started pretending like we were in high school during may of our 8th grade year. we went to senior high bible study. we were almost in high school...at the peak of our "oh my gosh" lives.

twelfth grade: oh senioritis. you're "almost done" but unfortunately, you've already checked out. that was the strongest that feeling has ever been for me. in fact, i believe that on february 15, 2006 (the day i got my acceptance letter from clemson), my mind was no longer in weddington. i was on the verge of something more, not knowing what to expect. knowing great things were to come.

and...right now. finishing up my last two exams of sophomore year. halfway done with my undergraduate career. moving out of 102G (so sad). i feel like a blinked and suddenly, all this time has passed. no more hassle with psych 310. no more thumping bass from weasel. no more dance parties in the kitchen. no more creeping up on alex. no more chasing after the ice cream truck.

i am on the verge of something more, anxiously awaiting the summer and my internship in dc. living on capitol hill and hopefully going to a barbeque with george bush. and even though it's just for the summer, i'm not wanting to leave clemson. it has finally become my home. but i am finally starting to believe what they say...time really does move by faster each year.